How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
