I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
