This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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