dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You left your phone here
Wait...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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