So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
