I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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