we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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