Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
