We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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