There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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