I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
