I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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