we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
