I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
