apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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