Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Randomize
