White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
