he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
