That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
