I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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