Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
