That's intense
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
