life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
