we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Can you bring me the toilet please
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
