my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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