So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
