Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
