I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
