oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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