The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
