Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
handjob tips. give me some.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
