Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
