1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This baby is an asshole
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
