found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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