Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
