I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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