I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
