I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Drunk is not a location!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
