Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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