We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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