my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
