i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
