Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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