I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
