I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
