This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
