theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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