he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
