whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
