Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
