Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
