In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
