We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
