I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
