Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
