my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
