Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
