Only a mothe r could love this liver
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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