I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
