woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
