I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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