4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
