Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
