Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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