If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
