Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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