i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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